Here I am…it’s me again…watching Brett Anderson shake his stuff on the Metal Mickey video. I’d marry that man…even though his band were having hits before I was born. Only JUST before I was born…granted…but you know?  To be honest…I’m feeling a bit low today. I think that I have an inferiority complex. I guess that MY inferiority complex is not as good as YOUR inferiority complex? However….my SUPERIORITY  complex is definitely better than YOUR  superiority complex .  So….I was bored today….and I started reading about McCartney and Lennon. I found out that their very first recording was in 1958….July 19th…to be precise.  They were called The Quarrymen then…and it cost them 17 shillings and sixpence.  Whatever a fucking ‘shilling’ is. Yeah…so they recorded That’ll Be The Day…the Buds Holly song. I wish I could have saved Buddy Holly really….but some things don’t come together…even for me…as I would want them to. I’m far from perfect…by the way…I break people’s hearts….and maybe that’s why I try to align that with the desire to save people. I’m a nightmare….but I try to be nice. 1958 then…I shall let the Scruffy Duck talk you through it.

Cigarettes. Cats that walk across the bar. Parrots that squawk in nicotine-stained corners. A public house. 1958. Italix sat in the bar…by the jukebox…she knew who was coming in soon. The girl… called Linda walked in. Italix rose to meet her.

‘Come and sit with me’

‘Why should I do that?’

Trust me…you are wise for your age…cos I know your future…and I know you are not stupid’

They sat down…Linda and Italix. Linda was cool…reserved…but not too taken aback by this new strange friend.

They sat at the table….not ON the table….that would be silly….fending off the slobbery jaws of the pub dog. The pub dog’s eyes said ‘get me out of here’  A man at the bar fell off his stool backwards. His name was Frank. It doesn’t matter. The dog’s name was Prince. It doesn’t matter.

Linda….you are probably more in tune with me than anyone else I have ever saved’

‘Right….and who are you? And who have you saved?  To be quite frank and earnest…I am bordering between confused and non-plussed’

‘Ah’ said Italix. ‘I am called Italix….cos I always talk in italics. I know that you are too clever to just dismiss me…..so let me tell you about what’s in store for you. I just want to give you a chance to be happy…and not mired…forever…in trauma’

‘I am ready to listen’

Italix watched a man at the bar…he laughed and joked…but she knew he was sad…a typical pub person. She knew that as soon as the laughter and the joking stopped…he would light up a cigarette….just to show that he had a purpose…being a drinker…and a smoker. A mixer. Another man was gay…she knew that…she could see it…but this was 1958…so the man could never throw his true emotions open to the pub world. Shallow water…pub life.

‘I just want the chance to change your mind about something, Linda. I am from the future…but don’t freak’

‘I won’t freak’

I know you won’t….you are almost as intelligent as I am…though not quite…cos I am the one over-seeing all of this’

‘Get on with it’

Okay….I am from your future… as it stands in MY world…the outcome you really need….you married a guy called Barry Kendall…in 1968….you had two children…David and Rosie. David was named after David Cassidy….not sure about Rosie. David went on to marry a Scottish girl called Sheena. They had kids….your grandchildren. Rosie was murdered by her jealous boyfriend.  You moved on…grew stronger after the trauma. You set up a trust. You became a brilliant…respected person. If you meet this guy tonight…the one who has turned your pretty little blond head…all forms of despair will win the day’

The pub was ringing with chaotic conversation. Italix and Linda sat in slience…for a while. Men discussed the Munich Air Disaster. They talked about a film…The Bridge On The River Kwai. A baby was born in  Gary, Indiana, but Italix and Linda didn’t know.

‘So’…asked Linda…’If you are from the future…why do you want to help me?  ‘What’s it to you?’

‘I just don’t want you to have to give birth to an unwanted baby…who will go on to murder his step-sister….think about it’

The big married man walked into the bar and progressed to the girls’ table.

‘Babycham?’  he asked….’Cherry on a stick?’

Italix leapt up from her seat and booted him…exuberantly…in the groin. She slashed him across the face with a vicious swipe of her unforgiving back-fingers. The man fell to the ground.

‘I’m the fucking daddy’ she said and if you are still alive in 20 years time…you might understand that remark’

 

‘Watch this…Linda’  said Italix…as she bid her pal farewell

‘This is the reason I came to find you. It was a true story…but together…we have changed history. I’ll see you in 2011…when you are 64.  Funnily enough…that song that was playing on the jukebox…That’ll Be The Day…was covered by The Quarrymen. In MY time…they went on to be The Beatles. I’ll see you in 2011…when you ARE 64’

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